Thursday, August 16, 2012

Bullet In The Face

Is the most ridiculous thing I have ever watched.

I happened to catch it on IFC at work. It's like Quentin Tarantino did a lot of drugs and had a one night stand with the creators of Law and Order who then suggested they do more drugs and create a 6-part miniseries.

Dude just killed someone with dental equipment. The bloodied dentist's screams can be heard outside in the waiting room and one mother turns to her daughter and just says "See, this is what happens when you don't brush your teeth."

I have to appreciate that during this show that, traditionally, would probably only be marketed to men, there was a birth control commercial, which means that at least someone out there thought of the possibility that women might be watching this insane, violent extravaganza.

And of course, it has Eric Roberts in it. Of course.

Sometimes I wonder, because I used to so adamantly make fun of him due to his appearance in the Doctor Who TV movie, if I'm now doomed to be forever stalked by his appearances in things that I watch. It's like when I saw The Dark Knight, and he just suddenly showed up playing Maroni and I was like "Oh god, the quality of this shot has just decreased exponentially!"

In other news, the building I'm working in is definitely haunted. Either that, or there's something wrong with the door. I'm leaning more towards the broken door, since when I lived here three years ago I remember the door being broken and people constantly complaining about it. But then, wouldn't someone have fixed it by now? Maybe it's supposed to be broken. Maybe the broken door somehow protects us, and if it were fixed the entire building would somehow fall into another dimension, dooming everyone inside to forever wander some sort of horrifying nightmare world.

You never know.

As is probably clear, my job is not the most exciting of occupations. I've been keeping myself busy by watching old episodes of the Twilight Zone and reading Dune, further cementing my status as a person who will never be cool. Every once in a while I'll turn on the television in the booth and attempt to find something that isn't the Real Housewives of Somewhere. I've watched a lot of the Science Channel. That show "Dark Matters" is really hilariously interesting. I appreciate the "dark side of science" theme it's got going, and even further appreciate the terrible dramatic reenactments they use to present it.

I'm trying to think of some sort of elegant and creative way to end this post, but I don't really have much else to say. "Life is strange" is about all I can think of, but then, the blog itself is called "The World Is Very Strange". If you hadn't picked up on the whole "life is strange" thing, then you've clearly missed something.

Sunday, August 5, 2012

In Which I Am Employed

Today I began my illustrious career as a Residential Safety booth babe. 

My job is very simple. If someone doesn't have a student ID and they want to get into the residence hall, they talk to me, and I swipe them in. I then write them down, and hope they're not here to murder whoever it is they're going in to see. During the day, I imagine this might actually require some work since residence halls do tend to attract quite a lot of people who want get in and visit other people, but of course, I'm not working during the day.

I work from midnight to eight AM, a time slot that actually works very well for me as I'm essentially nocturnal and I get paid more. I'm sitting in a booth with a broken television trying to tell myself that this is less horrifying than working at the hardware store due to having a chair to sit in and the ability to use the internet. No one has asked me to ring out 150 individual sockets yet, so I suppose I should be grateful. 

The booth I was assigned to is in Enterprise Hall, which I lived in during my sophomore year and looks nothing at all like I remember it. They've changed the entryway, the turnstile, the sort of lame half-lounge they had by the front, and replaced the vending machines with brand new leather couches. It's distressing, but in a way, kind of nice. The old Enterprise Hall is where I lived, the new one is where I work. For some reason, I find the distinction important. 

Since it's August and the university is in between summer semesters, the hall isn't currently home to rowdy, drunk college students, but to a high school Christian camp from Texas. Despite their inherent lack of ability to use their swipe cards to get through the damn turnstile, none of them have really caused me any problems. They do seem to have a habit of leaving their keys in their room and locking themselves out, but I'm sure that has more to do with the fact that they're in high school than it does with their love of Jesus. 

I spent most of my shift watching the X-Files on Netflix, but I did have a nice conversation with one of the campers about the weather in Texas at around four thirty in the morning. I mentioned that in the few times I'd ever been to Texas I'd experienced some of the most oppressive weather on the face of the planet, even worse than that time I spent in an Israeli desert, and for the most part, the girl seemed to agree. I asked her about the camp she was participating in, and was pleased that she never once asked me about my own religious beliefs. 

It is now eight AM, and technically speaking, I'm due to be done now. Some water has just dripped onto my head from the ceiling, which is interesting considering this building is fourteen stories high and it's not raining out. I'm left wondering what would happen if Jesus was forced to go through the Enterprise turnstile, and if he would have as much difficulty swiping in as his high school followers seem to. I like to think he'd just walk straight through the wall, but then, I suppose that's why I work at a safety booth and not at a Christian camp. 

All in all, it's been a decent first day. Now if only my relief would show up.