Yvonne

Alright.

It's been two days.

I'm really sick of this pseudo-plot line. This isn't a narrative blog. It's never been written to tell a story. It's just suppose to be a place for me to ramble about whatever happens to pop into my head. The fact that my blog itself seems to think otherwise, is kind of a big issue.

Silence you fool!

Ok, who are you?

I have many names. I am the darkness within your heart, the evil residing in the back of your mind, the shadow of your thoughts and feelings, the thing that keeps you awake at night -

This is going to be really underwhelming, isn't it?

You may call me...Yvonne!

Of course.

Yes! You have been acquainted with me before!

Look, just because my mother accidentally bought me a bathroom cup and a spoon that said "Yvonne" on it, doesn't mean that "Yvonne" is some sort of evil alter ego. It was just because there's never any personalized stuff that says "Nelly" on it.

That is where you are wrong! We all have a dark side, your mother was simply subconciously aware that yours was called Yvonne.

No kidding. Well, in that case, I suppose we should do battle, or something. I'm supposed to have some sort of inner struggle with you.

Well, see, that's why I wanted to chat with you.

Um, ok.

I don't really feel like having a battle right now. I'm in the middle of reading the evil alter ego of David Sedaris' book "Anti-Squirrel Seeks Evil Chipmunk" and I don't really want to put it down. Is there any way I could take a raincheck on this?

Well, my blog sort of won't let me leave the blogsphere until I have some sort of existential crisis that drives me to utter insanity, and I'd kind of like to get out of here fairly soon since I have three personal narratives and a screenplay due next Tuesday. I'm not going to lie, I don't really want to fight you, but...I also sort of need to.

That is quite the predicament.

Yeah, it is.

We could always just pretend to have a battle.

What do you mean?

Well, you know. We could stage some sort of internal struggle for you. That way your blog will think you're suitably dramatically conflicted, and you can leave, and I can go back to reading about evil sheep.

You know, I like the way you think.

Do you? Maybe you're the evil one.

Save that for the existential crisis.

Good point.

Let's go get this over with.